5 Reasons to Date a Pisces:
- They’re compassionate, and patient.
- They’re humanistic, always wanting to help everyone they fucking see.
- They’re sensual. They won’t fuck you stupid - but they’ll make love to you looong into the night.
- They’re prone to deep emotional connections.
- These fuckers are the most passionate of all them all.
5 Reasons NOT to Date a Pisces:
- They will dump all of their problems on you. ALL. OF. THEM. Prepare for drowning.
- Everything you do will make them cry. Everything.
- They won’t tell you when something is wrong. They just implode over it and cry at you.
- They escape. They don’t FIX THINGS. Just RUN AWAY from them.
- Never make the first move. Ever. If you want anything to get done here, do it yourself.
5 Reasons to Date a Aquarius:
- These shits are so fucking humanitarian - they love helping eeevvveerrryyyooonnneee.
- These are the wittiest fuckers ever
you can suck it gemini
- They are inventive and curious
in bed, too
- They can be clingy. NOT. These fuckers have space, and so do their partners
- They know how to
sexually intellectually stimulate you.
5 Reasons NOT to Date a Aquarius:
- Sure, their unpredictable nature may seem cool at first. But it gets old. Fast.
- Stubborn as fuck. You thought Taurus was bad? These assholes stand their ground while being pretentious about it.
- Refuse to be tied down. To anyone or anything. Ever. Marriage? not likely!
- Extremist - Meaning, everything is black or white. Right or Wrong. Left or Right. There is no in-between. If you’re on the opposite side as them, you’re fucked.
- They detach easily. One day they’re here and lovely, then BAM. GONE. FOREVER.
5 Reasons to Date a Capricorn:
- Not emotionally messy. They get over shit, fast. Ain’t got time for dwellin’.
- They set their mind to shit - THEN ACHIEVE IT. Instead of just wishing and hoping.
- These are the most patient fuckers you will ever meet.
- They seem all apathetic and cool - but deep down, every Cappy just needs somebody to looooooove
- Their humor isn’t for everyone, but those who do get it REALIZE HOW HILARIOUS THESE LITTLE SHITS ARE.
5 Reasons NOT to Date a Capricorn:
- Materialistic fuckers who oonly care about cash
- Apathetic as fuck.
- Greedy little shit, who only cares about what they can get out of a sitiation.
- Pretends to care about other people
- Hell knows no wrath like that of a Capricorn who wants revenge
5 Reasons to Date a Sagittarius:
- They will tell you shit STRAIGHT UP. Ain’t got NO time for games.
- Their liFE is a fUCKING ADVENTURE. Prepare for excitement.
- They’re always happy. Always. It’s fucking crazy, but their optimism is sure to boost your mood, too!
- These fuckers are smart. Like, SMART. They’re always saying something ingenious.
- They’re kind as fuck, always looking to help.
5 Reasons NOT to Date a Sagittarius:
- These fuckers are blunt. Like, they don’t have aaaannnyy tact.
- They don’t have feelings, so they don’t think other people do, either.
- They run away as soon as shit gets bad.
- They’re self righteous as fuck. Perfectly capable of dishing it, but can’t take it themselves.
- Sure, they say they’re patient - but they’re not. They will not wait for you.
5 Reasons to Date a Scorpio:
- They will ROCK YOUR FUCKING WORLD
- They are the most passionate fuckers in the whole zodiac
- These mother fuckas are dedicated as fuck - NOThing can stop them from going after what they want.
- They try to read your mind - and iT FUCKING WORKS
- They know how to make you feel wanted
5 Reasons NOT Date a Scorpio:
- They’re possessive.
- They get extremely jealous for nO FUCKING REASON.
- They expect you to throw most of your life away to be a part of theirs. Can you say - SELFISH?
- They don’t really care if you don’t like the people they associate with. They’ll do it anyhow.
- They don’t really care if you don’t like some of their bad habits. They’ll do them anyhow.
5 Reasons to Date a Libra:
- The most romantic people you will ever have the fucking pleasure of meeting
- Sweet as fucking crystallized sugar
- They give the best fucking hugs
- They’re always calm. Always. Even when they’re hyper. It’s the most comforting fucking thing ever.
- They enjoy compromise.
5 Reasons NOT Date a Libra:
- Indecisive as fuck. Can’t make up their mind about anyfuckingthing,
- Change their mind constantly - only because people tell them too. Can you say, SPINELESS?
- Superficial bastards who only like relationships for the title
- Passive agressive and pretentious fucks who don’t want to upset people but still needy their catty remarks
5 Reasons to Date a Virgo:
- They know how to make a mother fucker comfortable
- Best sense of humor EVAR
- Know how to get shit DONE
- They are fucking reliable. They won’t go anywhere on you.
- It’s like they’re fucking perfect and they know it but they’re fucking modest too and it’s GLORIOUS
5 Reasons NOT Date a Virgo:
- Total bitches who can’t handle not getting their way
- Critical as shit
- Needs everyfuckingthing perfect
- Will bite your fucking head off
- Rude as Hell
5 Reasons to Date a Leo:
- They will shower you in affection
- They’re the best in bed, and everywhere else, too.
shut up aries, you don’t know what you’re talking about.
- They will fight for you for ever and ever and FUCKING EVER
- They are generous mother fuckers with giant ass hearts
- They basically kittens behind closed doors. Who doesn’t love kittens? That’s right. NO ONE.
5 Reasons NOT Date a Leo:
- The loudest fuckers you’ll ever meet
- Self centered little bitches
- Loves drama, but gets offended when you mention they like drama
- Talk about themselves for hours and hours and hours
- Take out all their petty little problems by being a royal bitch to you
5 Reasons to Date a Cancer:
- They know emotions. Like seriously, it’s in their fucking DNA
- They like making you happy
- Loyal as fuck - They will be yours until you don’t want them anymore
and then probably for a while after that
- They can usually know what the hell is going on thanks to their intuition
- They like to keep things fun
5 Reasons NOT to Date a Cancer:
- If you’re not fond of drowning/being smothered STAY AWAY
- NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG
- Never fucking let anything go - INCLUDING YOU. THESE FUCKERS CLING.
- Suspicious as fuck about everyfuckingthing. Don’t even THINK about having friends.
- They cry about everything. Miserable fucks.
5 Reasons to Date a Gemini:
- These geniuses have wit like you WOULDN’T FUCKING BELIEVE
- Super energetic and excited
- Enthusiastic about EVERYTHING they do
- Flirty and playful - they know how to make things FUN
- They always know what to say
5 Reasons NOT Date a Gemini:
- Inconsistent little fucktards who change their minds every 5 minutes
- Can you say - Superficial?
- I don’t think THEY even know what they’re thinking/talking about most of the time
- Take out their problems on you by being royal dicks
- NEVER SHUT THE FUCK UP
5 Reasons to Date a Taurus:
- They’re steady as fuck and won’t change their mind about you
or anything ever
- They’re sensual and will ROCK YOUR SOCKS OFF
- They’re the funniest little shits I’ve ever fucking met
- Did I mention the glorious food?
5 Reasons NOT Date a Taurus:
- Do I even have to mention how stubborn these fuckers are?
- They never listen to YOUR side of an argument. They’re obviously right so why fucking bother listen to your shit, right?
- NEVER want to get off the fucking couch.
- Possessive little shits, thinking they own the fucking world.
- They don’t care about feels - they only care if you make bank.
5 Reasons to Date an Aries:
- They’re rad as shit. Like always on the GO and making THINGS HAPPEN.
- They’ll beat the shit out of anyone who so much as LOOKS AT YOU WRONG
- They’re the absolute BEST in bed because they’re the BEST AT EVERYTHING
- They’ll make your life a fucking adventure, and won’t ever say no to a challenge
- They give EVERYTHING they’re all. They won’t half ass this relationship because they’re passionate mother fuckers.
5 Reasons NOT to Date an Aries:
- They’re tempers are easier to set off than an old dude talking about “his day.”
- They think everyfuckingthing is about them.
- They can’t handle not being the fucking center of attention
- If you can’t keep with with their ABUNDANCE OF ENERGY then you’re fucking toast
- They’re basically a 5 year old no matter how long they’ve been alive