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Reasons to, and not to, Date the Zodiac Signs.













Tag: reasons & joke

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  #zodiac    #astrology    #reasons  

5 Reasons to Date a Pisces:

  1. They’re compassionate, and patient. 
  2. They’re humanistic, always wanting to help everyone they fucking see.
  3. They’re sensual. They won’t fuck you stupid - but they’ll make love to you looong into the night.
  4. They’re prone to deep emotional connections.
  5. These fuckers are the most passionate of all them all.

5 Reasons NOT to Date a Pisces:

  1. They will dump all of their problems on you. ALL. OF. THEM. Prepare for drowning.
  2. Everything you do will make them cry. Everything.
  3. They won’t tell you when something is wrong. They just implode over it and cry at you.
  4. They escape. They don’t FIX THINGS. Just RUN AWAY from them. Temporarily.
  5. Never make the first move. Ever. If you want anything to get done here, do it yourself.
  #joke    #reasons  

5 Reasons to Date a Aquarius:

  1. These shits are so fucking humanitarian - they love helping eeevvveerrryyyooonnneee.
  2. These are the wittiest fuckers ever you can suck it gemini
  3. They are inventive and curious in bed, too
  4. They can be clingy. NOT. These fuckers have space, and so do their partners
  5. They know how to sexually intellectually stimulate you.

5 Reasons NOT to Date a Aquarius:

  1. Sure, their unpredictable nature may seem cool at first. But it gets old. Fast.
  2. Stubborn as fuck. You thought Taurus was bad? These assholes stand their ground while being pretentious about it.
  3. Refuse to be tied down. To anyone or anything. Ever. Marriage? not likely!
  4. Extremist - Meaning, everything is black or white. Right or Wrong. Left or Right. There is no in-between. If you’re on the opposite side as them, you’re fucked.
  5. They detach easily. One day they’re here and lovely, then BAM. GONE. FOREVER.
  #joke    #reasons  

5 Reasons to Date a Capricorn:

  1. Not emotionally messy. They get over shit, fast. Ain’t got time for dwellin’.
  2. They set their mind to shit - THEN ACHIEVE IT. Instead of just wishing and hoping. coughcoughlookingatyoupiscescoughcough
  3. These are the most patient fuckers you will ever meet.
  4. They seem all apathetic and cool - but deep down, every Cappy just needs somebody to looooooove
  5. Their humor isn’t for everyone, but those who do get it REALIZE HOW HILARIOUS THESE LITTLE SHITS ARE.

5 Reasons NOT to Date a Capricorn:

  1. Materialistic fuckers who oonly care about cash
  2. Apathetic as fuck.
  3. Greedy little shit, who only cares about what they can get out of a sitiation. 
  4. Pretends to care about other people but doesn’t
  5. Hell knows no wrath like that of a Capricorn who wants revenge
  #joke    #reasons  

5 Reasons to Date a Sagittarius:

  1. They will tell you shit STRAIGHT UP. Ain’t got NO time for games.
  2. Their liFE is a fUCKING ADVENTURE. Prepare for excitement. 
  3. They’re always happy. Always. It’s fucking crazy, but their optimism is sure to boost your mood, too!
  4. These fuckers are smart. Like, SMART. They’re always saying something ingenious. 
  5. They’re kind as fuck, always looking to help.

5 Reasons NOT to Date a Sagittarius:

  1. These fuckers are blunt. Like, they don’t have aaaannnyy tact.
  2. They don’t have feelings, so they don’t think other people do, either.
  3. They run away as soon as shit gets bad.
  4. They’re self righteous as fuck. Perfectly capable of dishing it, but can’t take it themselves.
  5. Sure, they say they’re patient - but they’re not. They will not wait for you. 
  #joke    #reasons  

5 Reasons to Date a Scorpio:

  2. They are the most passionate fuckers in the whole zodiac 
  3. These mother fuckas are dedicated as fuck - NOThing can stop them from going after what they want.
  4. They try to read your mind - and iT FUCKING WORKS
  5. They know how to make you feel wanted

5 Reasons NOT Date a Scorpio:

  1. They’re possessive.
  2. They get extremely jealous for nO FUCKING REASON.
  3. They expect you to throw most of your life away to be a part of theirs. Can you say - SELFISH?
  4. They don’t really care if you don’t like the people they associate with. They’ll do it anyhow.
  5. They don’t really care if you don’t like some of their bad habits. They’ll do them anyhow.
  #joke    #reasons  

5 Reasons to Date a Libra:

  1. The most romantic people you will ever have the fucking pleasure of meeting
  2. Sweet as fucking crystallized sugar
  3. They give the best fucking hugs
  4. They’re always calm. Always. Even when they’re hyper. It’s the most comforting fucking thing ever.
  5. They enjoy compromise.

5 Reasons NOT Date a Libra:

  1. Indecisive as fuck. Can’t make up their mind about anyfuckingthing,
  2. Change their mind constantly - only because people tell them too. Can you say, SPINELESS?
  3. LAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAAAzzzzzyyyyy.
  4. Superficial bastards who only like relationships for the title
  5. Passive agressive and pretentious fucks who don’t want to upset people but still needy their catty remarks
  #reasons    #joke  

5 Reasons to Date a Virgo:

  1. They know how to make a mother fucker comfortable
  2. Best sense of humor EVAR
  3. Know how to get shit DONE
  4. They are fucking reliable. They won’t go anywhere on you.
  5. It’s like they’re fucking perfect and they know it but they’re fucking modest too and it’s GLORIOUS

5 Reasons NOT Date a Virgo:

  1. Total bitches who can’t handle not getting their way
  2. Critical as shit
  3. Needs everyfuckingthing perfect
  4. Will bite your fucking head off
  5. Rude as Hell
  #joke    #reasons  

5 Reasons to Date a Leo:

  1. They will shower you in affection 
  2. They’re the best in bed, and everywhere else, too. shut up aries, you don’t know what you’re talking about.
  3. They will fight for you for ever and ever and FUCKING EVER
  4. They are generous mother fuckers with giant ass hearts
  5. They basically kittens behind closed doors. Who doesn’t love kittens? That’s right. NO ONE.

5 Reasons NOT Date a Leo:

  1. The loudest fuckers you’ll ever meet
  2. Self centered little bitches
  3. Loves drama, but gets offended when you mention they like drama
  4. Talk about themselves for hours and hours and hours
  5. Take out all their petty little problems by being a royal bitch to you
  #joke    #reasons  

5 Reasons to Date a Cancer:

  1. They know emotions. Like seriously, it’s in their fucking DNA
  2. They like making you happy
  3. Loyal as fuck - They will be yours until you don’t want them anymore and then probably for a while after that
  4. They can usually know what the hell is going on thanks to their intuition
  5. They like to keep things fun

5 Reasons NOT to Date a Cancer:

  1. If you’re not fond of drowning/being smothered STAY AWAY
  3. Never fucking let anything go - INCLUDING YOU. THESE FUCKERS CLING.
  4. Suspicious as fuck about everyfuckingthing. Don’t even THINK  about having friends.
  5. They cry about everything. Miserable fucks.
  #joke    #reasons  

5 Reasons to Date a Gemini:

  1. These geniuses have wit like you WOULDN’T FUCKING BELIEVE
  2. Super energetic and excited 
  3. Enthusiastic about EVERYTHING they do
  4. Flirty and playful - they know how to make things FUN
  5. They always know what to say

5 Reasons NOT Date a Gemini:

  1. Inconsistent little fucktards who change their minds every 5 minutes
  2. Can you say - Superficial? 
  3. I don’t think THEY even know what they’re thinking/talking about most of the time
  4. Take out their problems on you by being royal dicks
  #joke    #reasons  

5 Reasons to Date a Taurus:

  1. They’re steady as fuck and won’t change their mind about you or anything ever
  2. FOOD.
  3. They’re sensual and will ROCK YOUR SOCKS OFF
  4. They’re the funniest little shits I’ve ever fucking met
  5. Did I mention the glorious food?

5 Reasons NOT Date a Taurus:

  1. Do I even have to mention how stubborn these fuckers are?
  2. They never listen to YOUR side of an argument. They’re obviously right so why fucking bother listen to your shit, right? Wrong.
  3. NEVER want to get off the fucking couch.
  4. Possessive little shits, thinking they own the fucking world.
  5. They don’t care about feels - they only care if you make bank.
  #joke    #reasons  

5 Reasons to Date an Aries:

  1. They’re rad as shit. Like always on the GO and making THINGS HAPPEN.
  2. They’ll beat the shit out of anyone who so much as LOOKS AT YOU WRONG
  3. They’re the absolute BEST in bed because they’re  the BEST AT EVERYTHING
  4. They’ll make your life a fucking adventure, and won’t ever say no to a challenge
  5. They give EVERYTHING they’re all. They won’t half ass this relationship because they’re passionate mother fuckers.

5 Reasons NOT to Date an Aries:

  1. They’re tempers are easier to set off than an old dude talking about “his day.”
  2. They think everyfuckingthing is about them.
  3. They can’t handle not being the fucking center of attention
  4. If you can’t keep with with their ABUNDANCE OF ENERGY then you’re fucking toast
  5. They’re basically a 5 year old no matter how long they’ve been alive
  #joke    #reasons  

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